Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
