my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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