she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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