I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
