I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
