Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
