Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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