Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize