His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
