38 yer olds are good kisserssss
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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