Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize