He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
