THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
