id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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