it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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