we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
