There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
