Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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