Will you blow on my dice?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
