This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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