You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize