He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
