Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
