Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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