The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
bring money and cleavage
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
