I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
