Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
