I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
being pregnant is like rehab
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
