Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
