Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
