speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
