it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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