singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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