ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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