when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
