omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
