this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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