i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
