I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
