Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
