id be glad to
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize