so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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