I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
