You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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