I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
