forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
