i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
