Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
