What did we do last night that was yellow?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
