first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
