What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
