did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
