he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
