omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize