She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Let's paint friendship bongs
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
