On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
