i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
