i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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