Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
