I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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