She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize