Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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