Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
