my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
