She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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