I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
