I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
