Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
