i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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