I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
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