He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
