Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
