Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
