How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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