I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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