So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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