I'm lost and stupid without you.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
