i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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