now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
